Beeeeeeeeeeeeppppp......beep..beep.. beep..
"He's safe now" the doctors go after doing a final checkup.
This is how I've been living till now. It's been 3 years now since my hospital visits have started to be frequent. I was born with a weak heart and recently this heart of mine couldn't take its work anymore and is asking for rest, the doctors have suggested a transplant............ and till now I've got no matched donor. It's a bit too much for my 18 years old self to go through this. I've been waiting for 3 years for someone to die and give me their heart.... seems cruel right, and my parents have lost hope they are just willing to let me go, OF COURSE, they've got their fav child waiting out there so today I'm gonna end this hell of a life, i pick the blade out of my pant pocket and do the ritual of cutting my nerve.
It hurts but.....in a great way.
GOODBYE LIFE.
beep beep beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeepppp...______________.
                            
2 days later
( opening the eyes )
I feel many things attached to me, my hands are tied to the bed and my plan failed. The doctors saved me. See be it you or your parents that have given up on your life but the doctors here are bloody thirsty for saving lives .  they don't give up the chance of saving someone. And oh it's been 2 days this time,
Guess I can leave as I can't afford staying in the hospital for long. The bills are piling up and the payer just cannot sleep on them, when you are the only one paying cuz again my parent left me to live with my brother.  A nurse comes to check up on me and i tell her i want to leave but she insists on waiting for the doctor in charge , thankfully the middle aged man comes in and says
" we're not gonna harm ourselves again  are we Jeff "
" I'm sorry doc , I was just ..."
" now see lad you can't just give up on yourself ....and till the time you don't promise me that you are not gonna try to harm yourself again I'm not gonna let you go and call your father ."
" no ....nope doc I'm never gonna hurt myself just don't call my dad you knoww right "
" Alright but on one condition,  you've to come back next week for a health checkup and right now I'm going to call your brother for your mischief....go for now and do come for a check up please ."
" doc you.....alright I'll come ...byeee"
I leave the hospital  and head out  for the convenience store i work at.
" here comes our man ..........where were you youngman I almost held a funeral for you. "
" thanx Fred but I had some work to complete "
" A lazy ass like u got work ?"
"Come on give it up ! Aren't there any customers today "
"Not many ."
"Well anyways"
I change up and take up my place at the counter, there's no one waiting for me at home and i don't wanna go back so I'm just gonna work for a bit .
                         Someone comes in - a teen like me but he's totally different,  a lively face , it seems like he have won the whole world, achieved everything.  After getting his things he come up to me but my bad I was day dreaming. 
" amm excuse me , could you please sum up the total bill "
" hey Jeff wake up " *smack * Fred smacks me in the back seeing that I had lost my sense again .
" ouch ... u could've just woken me up nicely " I say smacking him back when someone clears up their throught
" Excuse me , can u give me the bill please"
I turn around and see  the young man standing in front of me
" oh yes ... I'm sorry about that " I say while scanning the items......these all items are usually for young children and elder people.
" it's fine "
" that'll be ?"
" that will be $20 "
"Here thank you "
And there he goes out . Are everyone  doing social service usually this lively. He  seemed to be working at the orphanage next neighborhood,  seeing the logo on his hoodie . Maybe I can go there someday .
" Fred have you ever done some community work "
" nahhh too busy " he says while licking his fingers that are all covered up with those cheetos
That's much of a reply I could expect from someone like him , I mean he have never had a chance to look up in the mirror and see that he needs a shave pretty badly cuz he's always busy with eating and e-games .
" then let's go for one the day after "
" nope , I'm fine "
" you have to "
" nope I'm busy I've got a ga.."
I shut his mouth with my hand and  say "I'll help you with the cheat codes for your game"
"Ok .... but not more than an hour "
" As you wish Freddie "
" shut up with that"
   He says with a mouth full of cheetos hardly can I figure him out . Sometimes he's to cute and most of the times he's a jerk , a big fat jerk whose always ready for games but never for you and will do anything for getting cheat codes.....amm not literally anything don't take it the other way , he too sometimes have limits .

After my shift I try to figure out the way to the orphanage ......it should be somewhere around here I know it I've been there .....aaaand there it is just where I thought it would be( so proud of myself ). But what time is it ....I look up at my watch it's 5:30.....oh..it's....it...is..5:30...
SHITTTTTTTTTT.......I HAD A MEETING WITH MY BROTHER.... oh no damn I'm not gonna reach there on time....I almost start to run when a cab stops in front of me. I was late by 15 minutes and Snow- my brother , was about to leave when he saw me......
"Jefffff how long has it been , you seem to be getting skinny day by day, don't you eat anything lad?." He said all this while pulling me into a  tight hug and almost making me choke .
" A...irr...let..m.ee...get...some air.."
" Oh yea sorry lil bro " and he pulls away
" so how have you been "
" just fine, as you can see " I show myself as a model , "see I'm the same as you left me."
" but what I see is different from your words kid "
  "What"
  " you were rushed to the hospital again right ?" 
             That oldie really told on me. My brother too seems  to know everything about me and totally opposite of our parents,  he loves me too much and cares about me . He have always been there for me .
" ooh yea....well you see, somehow I ended up there."
" and somehow u tried to cut yourself right."
" wellll...not specifically.."
" then what I heard was wrong ....didn't you try to give up on yourself, it's been the 3rd time already this year , why don't you just listen to me ."
" see dude it's not like that ....but I don't really....feel like ...I don't feel.....anything,  I've been ...you....you ... just won't get it snow . But I'm here right I won't do it again, I promise ."
" you know I'm always here for you right , and I.. I can ask the director to pull up your name on the list so that u can have a transplant as soon as possible "
                   there's great sympathy in his eyes and I feel shitty for it .
" no....no , don't do that , I'm already on the 3rd position,  plus there's no need for any rush ... I'm doing just fine bro ."
" if doing fine is fainting at every step and not even being able to hug Then kid you better stop being fine and get better."
*Aside to himself
"Blah blah ...yes mom"
" whattt? What did u say ? , speak it out loud "
" yes mom, I'll do as you wish "
" see say whatever u want but all I want is you being healthy and with me for as long as I can think about......do you understand cuz Jeff you need to face the reality ."
" okayyyyy"
" I'm being serious kid "
" so how was your day today , I saw you with a girl the other day...... for how long till now ????? You are all flirty and lovely with the girls but with your lil bro your always on this mom mode and grumpy "
" don't divert the conversation,  plus I'm not in any relationship."
" you are! I saw you walking with a girl she was pretty for your taste "
" I'm sitting here in a fancy restaurant and having a meal with you sooo am I in a relationship with you "
" yukkkkkkk...........we are siblings what are you talking about, and I'm not into your type of guys even if I was a gay "
                         shit...... literally,my brother is that grumpy man whose always busy with his work ( although I'm an exception , he's mostly free for me)and other times when he's caring he gets tooooo caring, toooo cringe and I'm not up for that kind of relationship.

" what about you are with someone? "
                                        
and he gives me his weird smirk. Let me tell you that smirk is also an exceptional item of his kept for me . ( Heavy sigh )
" I'm not into anyone yet "
Time passed by like a fast pace flowing river . I always enjoyed my time with Snow,
Although he's always scolding me and complaining about my misbehavior still he loves me the most anddddddd he'll always keep me on top . WHY ? CUZ I'M HIS LITTLE BROTHER. 
Ringggggggggggg...
" yes , alright I'll be there "
" Jeff I gotta go I've an..."
" but it's not even time yet and you promised to stay with me tonight just a min ago "
" but I've got a meeting and this is very important....plz understand "
                    He's giving me that pleading look and is looking so damn cute.
" alright go go , Mr always busy " 
                              now I take my words back
" bye and plz take care of your health,  plz "
" alright go now , weren't you busy "
"Byeeee" and there comes another hug
" alrightttttt now "  I pull away  and Snow walks away.

It's great to have him . He's the only person in my family and probably in this world that loves me and whom I love the most
I walk towards my house , although my family is rich and all but I prefer being alone on my own , I live in our old house and although there's no house rent but there's still my living  expenses and tuitions. And due to my own pride I reject any money from my parents except from a little money from my dear brother.
                           
                         Walking alone  is always pleasant. There's mild breeze , the rustle of the leaves I walked on was kinda interesting. The evening shades of the sky was just too much too much to take in .......
( sighing) sometimes I wonder , with this heart and this life how long am I gonna live? It's not that I don't wanna live it's just the situation I'm in, despite my brothers protection my parents always find a way to irritate me and kick the hell outta me , you might be thinking why .....almost no one is that bad to their child but the reason for them to do this is such a petty one I don't get it why .
When I enter inside the lights are all off , not even a leaf is moving here . It's a pretty big house , perfect for a lovey-dovey family but man I'm a single kid sometimes Snow comes over and twice in a week maids , my food I cook it myself . Anybody can barely satisfy my tastebuds, and the only one to do so is my granny but she lives in Grenada.....oh shit now I miss her .
I'm so tired that I straightaway crash in my bed , and crawl into the world of my dreams .